"Never Take The Wife"A driver and his wife is stopped by a police officer.
Driver: "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 70 miles an hour in a 50 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 50."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket because you have a rear light out."
Man: "Rear light? I didn't realise it was out!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that light for weeks." (The man gives his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for not wearing your seatbelt."
Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt."
The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
Officer: "Madam, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."
"Husbands Gift"
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?" "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Joke Pictures
Title: Oh Noooooooo
